| Rumor has it.... |
[Mar. 9th, 2006|10:49 pm] |
I guess I haven't updated for awhile. Hey I'm.....lazy. What can I say. Honestly I've been meaning to update this thing. I actually have four things to talk about today. First off...
WOO! One more week of classes before spring break tease! Hey alright! Oh ok spring break week is over time to go back. I've registered for classes and I get to take all kinds of bridge courses for my Bachelors degree. Which means classes that have nothing to do with what I want to learn about. Which ultimately leads a lack of motivation. Oh well I always like a challenge.
Now numbers two three and four will be concerning realizations I've had.
I realized why the hell I write in this thing! So I can write down my life lessons for other people to learn from and so I don't forget.
Anyway, I finally figured out one of the few things that actually gets me down. Oddly enough it's other people's moods. I've never seen anything have such a direct effect on my personal feelings. Whenever someone's pissed off for long periods of time and I feel it's out of my hands, my enthusiasm gets frustrated and tired.
Which led me to figure out why I like to help people. When people close to me have problems their negativity starts to rub off on me. It's rather awkward to be more pissed about other people and their problems or their resilience against happiness instead of what I've got going on.
So quit pissing me off quit pissing yourself off and come on and dance with me!
"Honey, honey, come and dance with me
Oh, I say, oh, look here
Oh, it's a lovely night
And I feel fine, I feel alright tonight
And I see you there
I remember callin' love
Facing, oh, sittin' by yourself
But I don't want to see you blue, no
I don't want to see you in the corner by yourself
Come on now, girl, lovely, lovely, lady
How 'bout you, how 'bout you, how 'bout you
Come and dance with me?
Oh, I love tonight
I must go sit down, take the girl of the night
To warm you up
How much time, how much time
Should I take from the night
To warm you up?
Sweet honey, honey, come and dance with me" |
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| Illusions of Granduer |
[Feb. 11th, 2006|01:52 pm] |
The human emotion. What a complicated thing. Here's my theory:
1. Good and bad are relative.
Ex.: Americans killing radical muslims and vice versa. Who is right? Depends on who you ask.
2. Emotions are not good or bad. They are defined by abundance.
Ex.: Self esteem. You're pessimistic, optimistic, or arrogant. Sure it's not that simple but it's not different "things" it's simply one thing amplified to a degree.
3. Our emotions are shaped by values and situations.
Ex.: When you meet a guy/girl that attains certain important values you may try to attain this person as a love interest.
4. Our values and situations are formed by childhood experiences, later experiences and desicions.
Ex.: If your parents were care free and you had little outside influence chances are you will be care free too.
5. Our emotions are so important to us were are willing to do anything (to an extent) to attain ones we like such as happiness or love.
Ex.: If you're looking for love you're probably willing to develop a relationship over looking the person's faults for your own short term gain.
6. Emotions (specifically happiness) can be either "true" or "false."
Ex.: If you're in a situation (such as a relationship) in with you are content less than 50% of the time then the other 50% or more is spent discontent. Your situation is not truly happy.
7. We are willing to take happiness as it comes and hold on for dear life.
Ex.: Many aren't motivated to go find a better life for fear that they will lose that which they have attained.
8. Emotions are based on eachother. If I wasn't lazy I'd try to make a diagram.
Ex: True happiness is based on acceptance. You need to identify things that can and cannot be changed, accept those things that cannot be changed, and change those things that can be changed for the better.
9. So don't settle for being content. Go out there and find true happiness. Ex.: Realize what you can and cannot change. Your boyfriend sucks? Go talk to him. Did he change? No? Guess how many potential boyfriends there are on the planet. 2 million. At least.
"Hello, how are you doing today
I hope I find you feeling healthy
I'm So glad our paths crossed this time today On our way into the night
We find love hiding here in the shadows in the darkness maybe, its up to you and I to bring to the night Love as I approach the tears they fall like rain you tell me Baby your hearts into a thousand pieces
Now Stop only old and wise, with clouded eyes, You can't see what I can
hide Blindly throw my faith to the face Of the next good thing to come my way
So here we are all of us stand around
We're leaning heavy on each other
Always wondering what is it lies behind the worried eyes of one another
I Believe its love that's hiding here
in the shadows, in the darkness
Maybe its up to you and me to share it with the night Love when I approach, my tears that fall like rain you tell me Maybe, my heart's into a thousand pieces
I say its love so I can hear although I know enough to spare them Maybe its up to you and I to share it with the night Love me approach the tears they fall like rain you tell me Baby your heart's into a thousand pieces" |
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| This little thing... |
[Feb. 9th, 2006|04:50 pm] |
So I'm sitting at work a few years ago and lots of people are leaving so were looking for some workers. So I'm looking through these resumes and I see this girl here. Not looking too desirable as an employee but needless to say it doesn't take a lot of skill. Funny how things work.....
So she walks in the door and of course being the straight guy I am the only thought that could cross my mind at the time was ".......Damn!" And wouldn't it be me so lucky to meet this girl here at work. Of course she can't be mine in such a situation. Workers and lovers I've seen them collide many times. Now obviously things are a little different. We've talked multiple times as to whether it was in our best interest to wait like we (or I) did. She thinks the waiting did us good but I on the other hand have always been kinda iffy about it. It kinda sucks thinking we missed out on so much time. My plan was to try things out with her after we went separate ways from work. But in the back of my mind I was always afraid things wouldn't work out if I waited to long and she'd forget about me.
So don't be like me and let anything get in the way of a potential relationship. Dating should be fun and unembarassing. Being afraid to commit or being afraid of being alone will always bias your ability to meet new people of the opposite sex or otherwise.
"but she talked so good
but when I turned around
she was gone
oh she was gone
i didn't even get her name
but i thought god
with your face in my mind
and your voice in my ears
still echoes
oh i bought her a lovely flower
stand there where we met that day
and hope that you would return
but no no no
i can't remember where i was going now
i can't remember where i was leading to
or what led me to you but
oh and it reaches out through my head
the look of you the sound
the way you cackled at me
from then and
i didn't know where I was going
but always i'll be
so hey
the hands that pour
my hands are on you again
hey i will beg you
i'll beg oh see me
please find me again
i'm lost again
i sit here drinking coffee
or water depending the time of day
but oh you're with me like a ghost of a mother
oh you're with me like the pain of a father
i wish i
i wish i could call you something
other than the girl that i saw then
but hey
i would recognize you in a second
i only saw you for a minute maybe less
i don't hold my hand where
but i waited honest
i'm lost now i'm lost now
i can't remember what i used to be
but hey yeah weighted by the memory of
the memory of a love that never got born
do i even cross your mind lately
with more than just a laughing
did you think as you walked away
maybe you were
hey
oh i hope you did
so hey yeah
you would
you would have been feeling
the same thing as i am know
i lost her" |
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| The latest happenings |
[Feb. 7th, 2006|05:07 pm] |
Well nothing's going on really. I hope the title didn't excite you! lol!
Well it's Week 7 and I'll have my degree after this quarter and it's about time. Unfortunately it looks like I'll probably be going back next quarter due to some electives I need to take to start my Bachelors. I don't really feel like craming them into my schedule next year plus they're sucky classes that have nothing to do with Archaeology. I also got a job offer in West Virginia Monogahala National Forest (probably spelled wrong) which I probably won't get because the people that informed everyone made sure their applications were already in beforehand and there aren't very many positions available.
I also feel bad for my friend Kyle who has been out of class for some syst (spelling?) removal. He's back in class today and luckily all his systs came back negative for cancer. He just heard about the job today and needless to say he wasn't pleased. Kyle's a weird example of how different some christians are from others. I know some that would rely on God to get them through such an ordeal but Kyle was more concerned with how the doctors felt. People like me would simply rely on their own will to stand up to such a fright. So I ask myself......why? God, professional opinion, optimism........what's the difference? And more importantly.......what's the point?
"Oh so I pray
Oh at night
I wake up praying
all day light
I pray to you
and hear my request
I ask of you
to save this baby
O look at the girl
from inside
is cancer eaten
is life deprived
and if so by who
could it be you
I see no need
for a baby's wisdom for you
Oh god the girl
all yellow turned
cheeks are swollen
and soul is burned
Oh but the girl
the girl is gone
and the deed is done
it must be wrong
Now I pray
my prayers not heard
could it be your death
death to mortal word
Oh and see her pain
and drain and drain
could you be deaf
and blind my friend
oh and so we hold
can you not hear
can you not see
and if with words
you could change the way
things are arranged
surely you'd be speaking
seeking no change
Oh but the girl
deaf dumb and blind
from the cancer burning
deep down inside
oh but the deed is done
and the girl is gone
and I see no faith
that I have won
well you may find you're little
you may find your tracks
you may go
for me the girl is gone
Oh you may find you're attraction
to me the baby's gone" |
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| I hate to offend christians but...... |
[Jan. 18th, 2006|05:41 pm] |
Ever think of Jesus as just a person? Just eliminate all the fancy stuff and dream of him as just an actual guy. With the right idea at the wrong time and (some would say) the wrong place. I personally believe that he had values that, even though have most likely been changed in the last 2000 years (what hasn't changed?), for the most part, are a good guideline for society even though they obviously don't address EVERY issue that faces us these days. Most people (in my experience) aren't religious not because they don't agree with religion but because they simply don't care about how we got here, where were going, and what we're capable of. Me on the other hand am not religious for a multitude of reasons that I think I may have already went over and if not maybe another day. That's not what this is about. I just think it's weird that I agree with Jesus but not religion. And to think of Jesus more like an actual person instead of God's son in my opinion makes it easier to live up to what his "standards" would be. I think that's why some christians either have some "self esteem" problems to living up to those standards or why some christians find themselves "above" non-believers. Living up to or being associated with what people accept as absolute rule can have much influence on a person's feelings.
On a less happy note thinking of how Jesus passed away is what's been on my mind lately. Some hero's that die sacrifice themselves willingly such as fighting to the death or putting themselves into a very risky situation. But this man was betrayed by those he trusted. And was tortured and humiliated in front of and by people no better than him nor could they probably ever hope to be. To think what goes through a human man's head after claiming you're the son of God and all you're trying to do is make the world a better place.....
"Spoon in spoon
Stirring my coffee
I thought of you
And turned to the gate
On my way came up with the answers
I scratched my head
And the answers were gone
From hand to hand
Wrist to the elbow
Red blood sand
could Dad be God
Crosses cross hung out like a wet rag
Forgive you? Why?
You hung me out to dry
Maybe I'm crazy
But laughing out loud
Makes the pain pass by
And maybe you're a little crazy
But laughing out loud makes
it all subside
Holding, I'm holding
I'm still falling
I thought of this
But on my way
Crack
Lightning and thunder
I hid my head
And the storm slipped away
Well maybe I'm crazy
And laughing out loud
Makes it all pass by
Makes it all alright
Laughing out loud
From time to time
Minutes and hours
Some move ahead while
Some lag behind
It's like the balloon that
Rise and then vanish
This drop of hope
That falls from his eyes
I think of this
And turn to go away
But as I walk
There're voices behind me saying
Sinners sin
Come now and play" |
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| On hold |
[Jan. 6th, 2006|06:24 pm] |
Ever feel like your life has come to a complete stop? As if you're still going on and breathing but your life as you knew it somehow got left behind? That's how I've felt for the past few months for a multitude of reasons. Surgery recovery, my friends leaving and going to back to college, school, work, and most importantly my girlfriend leaving for quite a long time. Of course all these things had to happen virtually at the same time. Usually such a situation only makes you realize how much those things mean to you and how bad you would feel if they were gone for a longer time or maybe even forever. But honestly there's more to it than that. Regardless of what you lose in life and no matter how depressed you (make yourself) get you really have no one else to blame but yourself when it comes to not living.
I'm quite ashamed of myself. My former self I should say. You'd think after all the preaching I do I'd get (more of) a clue. Unfortunately I've wronged myself and have been more down on myself than normal. So that ends now. No more wasting time. No more waiting on life. I've got it back now.....and I plan to hold on to it till it burns out. So don't let it burn out ya'll. The way I've tried to look at is if you're capable of emotions that make you feel good and ones that don't........why the hell would you have trouble picking which ones to pursue?
"Isn't it strange
How we move our lives for another day
Like skipping a beat
What if a great wave should
wash us all away
Just thinking out loud
Don't mean to dwell on this dying thing
But looking at blood
It's alive right now
Deep and sweet within
Pouring through our veins
Intoxicate moving wine to tears
Drinking it deep
Then an evening spent dancing
It's you and me
This love will open our world
From the dark side we can see a glow of something bright
There's much more than we see here
Don't burn the day away
Is this not enough
This blessed sip of life
Is it not enough
Staring down at the ground
Oh then complain and pray
more from above
Greedy little pig
Stop just watch your world trickle away
Oh it's your problem now
It'll all be dead and gone in
a few short years
Just love will open our eyes
Just love will put the hope in our minds
Much more than we could ever know
Come sister
my brother
Shake up your bones shake up your feet
I'm saying open up
And let the rain come pouring in
Wash out this tired notion
That the best is yet to come
But while you're dancing on the ground
Don't think of when you're gone
Love! love!? what more is there?
We need the light of love in here
Don't beat your head
Dry your eyes
Let the love in there
There are bad times
But that's ok
Just look for love in it
Look
Here are we
On this starry night staring into space
And I must say
I feel as small as dust
Lying down here
What point could there be troubling
Head down wondering what will
become of me
Why concern we cannot see
But no reason to abandon it
Time is short but that's all right
Maybe I'll go in the middle of the night
Take your hands from your eyes, my love
Everything must end some time
And let the rain come flooding in" |
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| The loss of a loved one |
[Dec. 27th, 2005|05:10 pm] |
Two nights ago on Christmas day I met a man whose son had recently died. His son was a family member of best friend. I had met the boy a few times and he was a kind hearted soul and he was more comedic than I could ever hope to achieve especially at his age. The man was the designated driver for two family members of my friend's and didn't have the option of drinking his sorrows away as so many tend to do. The drunk companions decided to become nostalgic and speak of all the time they remember with the boy and all the time they wish they still had. I personally would never bring up such a subject.
I had a wonderful Christmas with my family and my friends. This man was robbed of his joy that day for what reason we may never know. I too felt much remorse that evening. His happy place that we all find in our family and friends was taken away from him. I can't imagine the amount of doubt about good luck in the world after such a situation. I'm glad to support a family in need. I donated many things to the chinese auction they had for funeral expenses. This Christmas has humbled me quite a bit I think. Not to mention I won't be getting my best present untill next year.....=)
"Standing here
The old man said to me
"Long before these crowded streets
Here stood my dreaming tree"
Below it he would sit
For hours at a time
Now progress takes away
What forever took to find
Now he's falling hard
He feels the falling dark
How he longs to be
Beneath his dreaming tree
Conquered fear to climb
A moment froze in time
When the girl who first he kissed
Promised him she'd be his
Remembered mother's words
There beneath the tree
"No matter what the world
You'll always be my baby"
Mommy come quick
The dreaming tree has died
The air is growing thick
A fear he cannot hide
Oh have you no pity
This thing I do
I do not deny it
All through this smile
As crooked as danger
I do not deny
I know in my mind
I would leave you now
If I had the strength to
I would leave you up
To your own devices
Will you not talk
Can you take pity
I don't ask much
But won't you speak
Please
From the start
She knew she had it made
Easy up 'til then
For sure she'd make the grade
Adorers came in hordes
To lay down in her wake
She gave it all she had
But treasures slowly fade
Now she's falling hard
She feels the fall of dark
How did this fall apart
She drinks to fill it up
A smile of sweetest flowers
Wilted so and soured
Black tears stain the cheeks
That once were so admired
She thinks when she was small
There on her father's knee
How he had promised her
"You'll always be my baby"
"Daddy come quick
I can't find my way home
There is no place to hide"
Oh if I had the strength...
Take me back
Save me please" |
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| I hate myself... |
[Dec. 20th, 2005|03:43 pm] |
LOL!
Ok so I over exagerated.....
I've come to the conclusion, after my 19 years on earth, that one of the worst things you can ever do to yourself is to become dependent on anything other than food, water, and shelter. I also believe that humans depend on a few things WAY too often such as drugs, gut feelings, the past, and most often, other people. If you've ever met me you'd probably say I'm pretty optimistic and on the outside you'd be right in every sense of the word. I don't tend to worry or get jealous about things namely because.......well if you can remember jealousy or worrying ever helping you, you can have a cookie. Or you can quit confusing those two things with concern and confidence. Concern and confidence pushed too far become worry and jealousy, respectively. Unfortunately there's part of me I don't think I ever show because it'd be pointless. It's the part of me that does worry......kinda. I prefer to put it this way: I tend to simulate the worst possible outcome of any situation in my head so I can be prepared for it. Therefore if something goes wrong I will hopefully be able to handle it better and I won't be nearly as surprised. So when I come to a conclusion on how I'm going to handle a situation I tend to balance common sense, emotions, past experience, and actions of other people. Resting on just one of those will generally screw you over in life. How about a paragraph?
Which leads me to the weird situation that not only am I in but that I never expected to be in: How do you carry a relationship with someone you don't feel you can depend on especially when that person's actions really have nothing to do with why you feel that way? Please spare me of confusing dependability and trust. Chelsea is the most trustworthy PERSON I've ever met. Not just girl or girlfriend. Hell the most she's ever wronged me was not calling me when she said she would and obviously, considering the fact I'm not retarded, I could really care less. It's not that I can't depend on her. It's that I don't want to. I try to not have anything in my life that would make me feel like less of a person if it were gone. Yet here I am in a relationship with the best thing that's ever happened to me for over year. At the surface all this doesn't seem to matter. But when I look for that worst case scenario I can't help but wonder if I'm holding this relationship back from it's full potential. I personally don't feel that way but of course being in the relationship kinda biases your opinion on things. It seems to me only time will tell...
I've always tried to stay away from studying the emotion of love. Now it has me by the balls.......and needless to say I'm certainly not complaining.
"Crazy how it feels tonight
Crazy how you make it all alright love
You crush me with the things you do
I do for you anything too
Sitting, smoking, feeling high
In this moment it feels so right
Lovely lady
I am at your feet
God I want you so badly
I wonder this
Could tomorrow be
So wondrous as you there sleeping
Let's go drive 'til morning comes
Watch the sunrise
To fill our souls up
Drink some wine 'til we get drunk
It's crazy I'm thinking
Just knowing that the world is round
Here I'm dancing on the ground
Am I right side up or upside down
Is this real or am I dreaming
Let me drink you please
I won't spill a drop, I promise you
Lying under this spell you cast on me
Each moment
The more I love you
Crush me
Come on
Is it real or am I dreaming
Lovely lady I will treat you sweetly
Adore you
I mean
You crush me
It's times like these
When my faith I feel
And I know
How I love you
Lady
Just as long as you're around
And here I'll be dancing on the ground
To each other we'll be facing
By love we'll beat back the pain
we've found
You know
I mean to tell you all the things I've been thinking deep inside
My friend
With each moment the more I love you
So much you have given love
That I would give you back
Again and again
Meaning I'll hold you
And please
Let me always" |
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| Justice for whom? |
[Dec. 12th, 2005|03:42 pm] |
Justice: The quality of being just; fairness.
You killed my son. Therefore, to be fair, I'm going to have you killed.
Arnold Schwarzenegger was given the chance to kill Stanley "Tookie" Williams today and he took advantage of that chance and had the man killed.
What's the point? How much justice has been done? Has a problem been solved or eliminated? Really if the leader of one of the most notorious criminal gangs is captured and imprisoned and it comes down to judgement day for this man are all his improvments undone? If so why was he not shot in the court room? The man now denounces gang violence and is the author of multiple published children's books.
The fact of the matter is the justice system in the country if not the entire planet is broken. I can understand executing someone who will not conform to the laws of a country. Getting rid of a danger to society if they can't prove their change of heart makes sense. But these days people aren't even given the chance to prove themselves and learn from their mistakes let alone the tools to do so.
How much justice is done?
"I've this creeping
Suspicion that things are not
as they seem
Reassure me
Why do I feel as if I'm in too deep
I've been praying
For some way to show them
I'm not what they see
Yes I have done wrong
But what I did I thought
needed be done
I swear
Unholy day
If I leave now I might get away
This weighs on me
As heavy as stone and as blue as I go
I was just wondering if
you'd come along
To hold up my head when my head
won't hold on
I'll do the same if the same's
what you want
If not I'll go
I will go alone
I'm a long way
From that fool's mistake and
now forever pay
No, run
I will run and I'll be ok
I need so
To stay in your arms, see you smile, hold you close
And it weighs on me
As heavy as stone and
a bone chilling cold
Tell me you will" |
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| Freedom! |
[Dec. 10th, 2005|05:31 pm] |
Well due to lack of internet/having a life I haven't updated for......ever. So I thought I would publish my thoughts yet again because I have time and something to write about. I love Chelsea. And I can't wait to go back to Florida. Really I don't wanna come back. I wanna leave this cold snowy place for awhile.....longer. And everytime she talks about moving down there it seems more and more satisfying everytime.
In other news I'm done with the quarter and I have one more untill I get my degree. I'm glad to be out and I only have 11 credit hours next quarter so it's smooth sailing for a little while. Now it's time for much friend interaction and artificial heating.
And in a little over 3 weeks I'll be back with my girl again. Unfortunately we'll be on our way back here but at least she'll be back in my life again.
Oh by the way R.I.P. Richard Pryor 1940-2005
"We were walking
Just the other day
It was so hot outside
You could fry an egg
Remember you were talking
I watched as sweat ran down your face
Reached up and caught it at your chin
Licked my fingertip
Wasting time
Let the hours roll by
Doing nothing for the fun
Little taste of the good life
Whether right or wrong
Makes us want to stay, stay, stay
for awhile
Later on the sun began to fade
Then the clouds rolled over our heads
And it began to rain
Oh we were dancing mouths open
Splashing tongue taste
For a moment this good time would never end
You and me
Just wasting time
I was kissing you
You were kissing me love
From good day into a moonlight
Now a night so fine
Makes us wanna stay, stay, stay, stay for awhile
I shall miss these things
When it all rolls by
What a day
Wanna stay, stay, stay, stay for awhile
Hey love
Oh just groping you
Rolling in the mud
Stay a while
Come on love" |
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| Questioning my patriotism Pt.2 |
[Nov. 22nd, 2005|12:36 am] |
So my internet's been down, I've been working, I've been at school, hell I've been in Florida. Needless to say updating has been put on the back burner. Even thouhg I would like to elborate on the latest happenings in my life I've come to the conclusion that I haven't fully expressed my feelings in my last entry. Just one weird nagging question:
How do you support something you don't agree with the origins of?
I think the grammer of that sentence might be WAY off but after reading my last entry that's exactly what popped into my head. It's weird to think that America came to be in such a terrible way. Such a beautiful concept with quite a bloody background. I don't think we can forget how that whole business a few hundred years ago went down. We certainly shouldn't repeat it. You'd think we would have figured out the answer to war and violence by now. Right now across the ocean we're stopping something we once did long ago. Whether we're doing it for the right reasons is yet to be seen. Hell whether we're actually succeding is yet to be seen for that matter. Hey look at the bright side. Indians are building casinos and making mad money of politics. And when the smoke settles I'm sure the fat cats in Iraq will be doing the same.
"Come out come out
No use in hiding
Come now come now
Can you not see?
There's no place here
What were you expecting
Not room for both
Just room for me
So you will lay your arms down
Yes I will call this home
Away away
You have been banished
Your land is gone
And given me
And here I will spread my wings
What's this you say
You feel a right to remain
Then stay and I will bury you
What's that you say
Your father's spirit still lives in this place
I will silence you
Here's the hitch
Your horse is leaving
Don't miss your boat
It's leaving now
And as you go I will spread my wings
I have no time to justify to you
Fool you're blind, move aside for me
All I can say to you my new neighbor
Is you must move on or I will bury you
Now as I rest my feet by this fire
Those hands once warmed here
I have retired them
I can breathe my own air
I can sleep more soundly
Upon these poor souls
I'll build heaven and call it home
'Cause you're all dead now
I live with my justice
I live with my greedy need
I live with no mercy
I live with my frenzied feeding
I live with my hatred
I live with my jealousy
I live with the notion
That I don't need anyone but me
Don't drink the water
There's blood in the water" |
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| Questioning my patriotism. |
[Oct. 25th, 2005|02:07 pm] |
The Iraqi Constitution passed today in a more positive way than our president got his second term and I couldn't be happier. It's about time we got some real political headway over there. I've been waiting for this to happen for quite a while. Even though I never really agreed with the war in the first place I think things are working good this way. Hopefully their democracy will be without as much buracracy unlike ours and will be fairer.
My dislike for our leaders in government these days really makes me question my patriotism and I think that the government wants that. It seems that if you're against what the country or our the president is doing you're unpatriotic. I don't believe that though. Just because I think our soldiers would have been better off elsewhere and that I think our president is inadequate to lead doesn't mean I don't believe in our troops, democracy, justice, liberty, and most of all freedom. As they say many men and women sacrificed themselves for our freedom. I guess that makes up for a certain group of people we ourselves sacrificed for our "freedom." Oh my that's another subject entirly.......
Damn you agriculture! LOL!
"Fire The sun is well asleep
Moon is high above
Fire grows from the east
How is this
Hate so deep
Lead us all so blindly killing killing
Fools we are
If hate's the gate to peace
This is the last stop
For raining tears
War
The only way to Peace
I don't fall for that
Raining tears
You're righteous, so righteous
You're always so right
Go ahead and dream
Go ahead believe that you are the chosen one
Oh no
Gracious even God
Bloodied the cross
Your sins are washed enough
Mother's cry
"Is hate so deep
Must a baby's bones
This hungry fire feed?"
As smoke clouds roll in
The symphony of death
This is the last stop
Scream
Right is wrong now
Shut up you big lie
This black and white lie
You comb your hair to hide
Your lying eyes
But why your lie
Here there's more than is showing up
Hope that we can break it down
It's not so black and white
You're righteous
There you are nailing a good tree
Then say forgive me, forgive me
Why? |
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| Lost in love |
[Oct. 18th, 2005|01:51 pm] |
A month from today I'll be off once again to sunny Florida. I must say it can't come soon enough. Chelsea is such a big part of my life even when she's not here. Now we've been together 11 months and I'm still overwhelmed by our relationship. Although I hoped, I never expected for it to last due to past experience but every once and awhile proving yourself wrong comes in handy. The weirder part is thinking 11 months ahead. It's hard to say where we'll end up by then but I imagine it'll be hand in hand.
Today I got in the mail possibly the most amazing gift I've ever recieved in my life. It makes all the gifts I've given seem completly thoughtless and I don't know how I'll ever be able to give back. Today I feel something I never thought possible has happened.
I've lost myself even further into the all the things that make our realtionship infinitly sucessful.
"Open wide Oh so good I'll eat you
Take me for a ride
In your sweet delicious
Perfect little mouth
Thereupon I linger
You will have no doubt
I'll do my best for you, I do
Love
Let's stop to get it going
Lost myself just thinking
About the two of us
From each other drinking
Begin with the lips
Fingertips and kissing
Turn me inside out
I do my best for you
Up and down we go
From the top you push me
This is such a thrill
Lost in love and dancing
Shake your tambourine
You blow my head open
Of this there's no doubt
I do my best for you I do
For you I would crawl
Through the darkest dungeon
Climb the castle wall
If you are my Rapunzel
You let your hair down
Right in through your window
Good they locked the door
I think the world of you
All of my heart I do
Blood through my veins for you
You alone have all of me
I give my world to you
To you I will be true
Too good to be real
Smell of something cooking
My soul you're to steal
Food of love we're filling
What you've given me
For it there is no measure
Of one thing I am sure
I'll give my best for you
From you my strength is full
To carry your burdens too
Hip lock up so tight
You drive me crazy
Crazy is all right
With you looking at me
You make me feel high
Every single thing you do to me
is like I'm drunk" |
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| What's wrong with you?! |
[Oct. 14th, 2005|07:18 pm] |
WHY ARE YOU READING THIS?!
It's Friday you crazy people! Go out and have some fun! YEEEEEHAW!!!!
I'm off to a field trip to A-town and tomorrow me and Chris are having a cookout! So get up and turn your computer off and unwind for awhile. This weather isn't gonna last either ya know! Winter will be here before ya know it. Enjoy!
Come and relax now
Put your troubles down
No need to bear the weight of your worries
Just let them all fall away |
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| Grrrr....school |
[Oct. 13th, 2005|07:40 pm] |
I'm having school problems......weird.
I'm not used to having problems at all really but geez now I have SCHOOL problems. Bogus. So yeah one of my classes got canceled (which isn't my fault) and that brings me under full time student status. So now it's MY responibility (for whatever reason) to find me another class to take. Unfortunately it seems I may have to go to another Hocking branch in Licking County cause it's the only class I can get that matters. Ah well.....drastic times require drastic measures.
One of my favorite insturctors had to cancel this Egyptology class because he needs heart bypass surgery. I can only hope he'll be OK. He was one of the few I looked up to. Joe has moved up in world and George is out for surgery. I really liked George too. He gave me confidence in my abilities and made me realize it's not where you're at but who you're with that really matters. He lived in Logan quite a long time before he got a job as a photographer in EGYPT! Fast forward 30 years and now he's teaching me. He's seen it all. Some of the best wonderful things I could ever imagine he probably doesn't give a second glance to. He was a sharp guy and he will be missed even though rumor has it he'll start the class back up next quarter or maybe spring.
I can only hope.
Swing in this tree
Oh I am bounce around so well
Branch to branch,
limb to limb you see
All in a day's dream
I'm stuck
Like the other monkeys here
I am a humble monkey
Sitting up in here again
But then came the day
I climbed out of these safe limbs
Ventured away
Walking tall, head high up and singing
I went to the city
Car horns, corners and the gritty
Now I am the proudest monkey
you've ever seen
Monkey see, monkey do
Then comes the day
Staring at myself I turn to question me
I wonder do I want the simple,
simple life that I once lived in well
Oh things were quiet then
In a way they were the better days
But now I am the proudest monkey
you've ever seen |
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| Progress |
[Oct. 11th, 2005|09:57 pm] |
http://today.reuters.com/business/newsarticle.aspx?type=ousiv&storyID=2005-09-25T232223Z_01_KWA475430_RTRIDST_0_BUSINESSPRO-GROUP-IMF-DC.XML
Go here.
WOO!
Progress. It's nice. Join ONE.ORG! Push our government to do something so you don't have to! It's going to take a few years but it seems things are going to change and this organization is going about it the right way. There's so much money completly wasted in the system that I feel obligated to be aware of my ability to persuade government. Or maybe I'm just ignorant and naive!
How can I turn away
Brother/Sister go dancing
through my head
Human as to human
The future is no place
To place your better days
Cry freedom, cry
From a crowd 10,000 wide
Hope laid upon hope
That this crowd will not subside
Let this flag burn to dust
And a new a fair design be raised
While we wait head in hands,
hands in prayer
And fall into a dreamless sleep again
And we wave our hands
Hands and feet are all alike
But gold between divide us
All slip away
There was a window and by it stood
A mirror in which
he could see himself
He thought of something
Something he had never had but
hoped would come along
From deep inside
Where we are all confined
While we wave hands in fire
Wave our hands
Slip away
In this room stood a little child
And in this room this little child
she would remain
Until someone might decide
To dance this little child
across this hall
Into a cold, dark, space
Where she might never trace her
way across this crooked mile
Across this crooked page
From deep inside where
we are all confined
Till we wave our hands
Hands and feet are all alike But gold between divide us Hands and feet are all alike But fear between divide us Hands and feet are all alike Hear what I say Hear what I say Oh, so be it
How can I turn away Brother/Sister go dancing through my head Human as to human The future is no place To place your better days |
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| Woo I'm back |
[Oct. 10th, 2005|07:21 pm] |
Hey I'm back from Florida!
Super.....
Had a great time down there for sure! Went to Animal Kingdom which isn't really a zoo but if it was a zoo it'd be the best zoo ever. And it's also better than any zoo even though it ISN'T a zoo. We also went to Downtown Disney and the Boardwalk which was good fun (minus Bucks losing...BOO!). I also got to meet most of Chelsea's roomates and friends whom I liked very much and I'm glad that Chelsea is stuck with them.
I feel like I understand what Chelsea is going through down there better now that I've been there and I must say it's a positive experience for her and even for me. No matter how much I miss her and want her to be here we just can't let "us" get in the way of "ourselves." I'm glad she doesn't regret her desicion because I know I don't. I also have more confidence than I ever have in our realtionship. (Not that I had my doubts)
Distance makes the heart grow fonder? "Fonder" is an understatement.......
"When I step into the light
My arms are open wide
My eyes searching wildly
Would you not like to be
Sitting on top of the world with
your legs hanging free
Would you not like to be ok, ok, ok?
When I'm walking by the water
Splish splash me and you takin a bath
Come up through my toes
To my ankles
To my head
To my soul
And I'm blown away
I can't believe that we would
lie in our graves
Wondering if we had
spent our living days well
Dreaming of things that we
might have been
I can't believe that you
would not like to be
ok, ok, ok" |
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| I hate to be so pessimistic |
[Oct. 1st, 2005|10:31 pm] |
I just realized today that I will not be spending my New Year's Eve with my girlfriend, officially breaking my first promise to her I believe. It kinda makes me feel like shit too cause last year was a fiasco. Even though you probably don't care you have my sincerest apologies my dear.
5 days!
"I let you down
Let me pick you up
Let me climb up you to the top
So I can see the view from up there
Tangled in your hair
I have no lid upon my head
But if I did
You could look inside and see
what's on my mind
I let you down, oh, forgive me
You give me love
Let me walk with you
Maybe I could say
Maybe talk with you, open up
And let me through
Don't walk away
How could I be such a fool like me
Tail between my legs
I'm a puppy for your love
oh it's you
Forgive me" |
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| An old love has returned |
[Sep. 28th, 2005|11:40 pm] |
And it's name is "reading." I've brought myself to reading. All my friends are off to college and my other half off too far away from me for I cannot see her from here and that's always too far. =) Also my fingers are worn to a large extent from the guitar soooo.......
J.R.R. Tolkien is owning my soul as of late.
I just finished reading The Silmarillion today and I've read The Hobbit and LOTR long ago many times. I've got 3 other of his books left to read and some Ohio Archaeology left still which should help pass the time.
What an amazing (and absolutly confusing) story it is I've just finished today and I am greatly satisfied. The book deals alot with the change of people due to greed and the changing of ethics and how it affects others within the social setting. So of course it brings up an issue that I've long forgotten I believe because I don't tend to trouble my thoughts with the mysteries of the world these days. That thought is of self standards. How we govern ourselves and our thoughts and our actions. Also why we created these standards and how we gauge them from desirable to undesirable.
Good and evil fall into this somehow or another and it's funny how those two words are so interchangable from person to person. First off good and bad didn't exist untill humans came to this planet. Therefore it's not only a product of us but it is also defined by us and nothing else. That's always a good thing to keep in mind with opinions. Not what is good or bad but why.
I always try to help people that are trying to figure out where to go with themselves and I think it's good to always think ahead as to what you want to do and why you want to do it. Unfortunately I have trouble with people that are constantly changing their minds or are taking standards for themselves from some type of system yet neglecting those of what they wish. I thought to myself today is that such a bad thing? Of course not all these things are black and white but where does the shade of grey become too black? Where do you draw the line with people constantly making new rules for themselves and breaking them at will?
I've come to the conclusion that I don't like people that don't learn. Learn from their mistakes that is. Still again mistakes are all a matter of opinion. In the end it's all different from person to person which is fine untill it starts to affect other people other than the one concerned.
"I hear more than I like to...
so I boil my head in a sense of humor...
I laugh at what I cannot change...
I throw it all on the pyre again...
go then and do this
I'd do it for you...
when all that I want is so badly to be...
by myself again...
it's going to drive me right out of my brain
Drive in drive out I'm leaving
Drive in drive out
I'll come back again
I don't care if we all turn to waste...
so when I beg...you avoid me...
because I smell of dirt... hungry, hungry boy...
you won't leave me all alone...the boy won't go
Sooner or later we're done
Sooner or later I'm gone
because, because
Sooner or later we're gone
Sooner away
Ooh, my head is pounding now...
god has all but left me behind...
not a sense of worry...
I'm going to drive in and drive out again
Drive in drive out I'm leavin
Drive in drive out I'll come
I'm over this arrangement...
around here...emptiness
sounded so good...I want to
drive you right into my world" |
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| Foreboding |
[Sep. 26th, 2005|01:17 pm] |
It starts.....
Fall quarter once again.
Ya know I didn't kick my ass this quarter though. The first three quarters I went 17 18 and 19 credit hours. This summer I went 18 also. Well I had to say fuck it. I'm only doing 12 this time. Nonetheless I still don't wanna go. Most aren't aware of this but I'm in the middle of tail bone surgery recovery, with details I will spare you. Needless to say it's just annoying trying to get around having to answer everyone's "Why do you have pajamas on?" question. I am looking forward to sophmordom and not going into academic arrest of shock or absolute destruction.
I am NOT looking forward to a certain "friend" of mine whom I haven't talked to for a little over a week which means she'll have PLENTY of BS to tell me ALL about. So here's the situation and I need some advice. Cause I dunno what the deal is with this chick and her situation but it stumps EVEN me. Very hard to do.
So like she likes this dude. And he doens't want to date her. I believe because of age difference. So he just wants to be friends. And they chill out. Well they get drunk. And they......participate......in.....activities. BUT NOT THE REALLY FUN KIND! EVER! HE absolutly will not. HE. Yes HE will not participate in the "really fun kind" of activities. And they sleep in the same bed....together. Without the really fun activities. And I am confused. Blatantly confused. Because as some know I haven't always been the most.....commiting man to ever grace a relationship (I am now!). So I'm thinking the only reason for this situation is the really fun activities. But I am mistaken. I am also clueless as to why this man would persist in his endevour. Sooooo.....I know she's gonna talk to me about it. And obviously she needs to leave this man behind. That's a given. But I can't think of what would possess this man to do such things without the really fun kind of activities. And if you don't get what I mean by that then you just read a WHOLE bunch of shit you will never be able to understand.
"So here we are tonight,
you and me together
The storm outside, the fire is bright
And in your eyes I see
what's on my mind
You've got me wild
turned around inside
And then desire, see, is creeping
up heavy inside here
And know you feel the same way
I do now
Now let's make this an evening
Lovers for a night, lovers for tonight
Stay here with me, love, tonight
just for an evening
When we make
our passion pictures
You and me twist up
secret creatures
And we'll stay here
Tomorrow go back to being friends
Go back to being friends
But tonight let's be lovers,
We kiss and sweat
We'll turn this better thing
to the best
Of all we can offer, Just a rogue kiss
Tangled tongues and lips,
See me this way
I'm turning and turning for you
Girl, just tonight
Float away here with me
An evening just wait and see
But tomorrow go back to your man
I'm back to my world
And we're back to being friends
Wait and see me,
Tonight let's do this thing
All we are is wasting hours
until the sun comes up it's all ours
On our way here
Tomorrow go back to being friends
Tonight let's be lovers, say you will
And hear me call, soft-spoken whispering love
A thing or two I have to say here
Tonight let's go all the way then
Love I'll see you,
Just for this evening
Let's strip down, trip out at this
One evening starts with a kiss
Run away
And tomorrow
back to being friends
Lovers...love...lovers
Just for tonight, one night...love you
And tomorrow say goodbye" |
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